What is Abuse?

What is Abuse?

1. Types of Abuse
2. Cycle of Abuse
3. Are You a Victim of Abuse?
4. Domestic Violence
5. Safety Plan

Abuse is an attempt to control the behaviour of another person. It is a misuse of power which uses the bonds of intimacy, trust and dependency to make the victim vulnerable.



The Types of Abuse include…

Physical:
hitting, punching, beating, slapping, pulling hair, use of weapons, mutilation, burning, biting, murder

Sexual:
any forced sexual contact ranging from unwanted touching to rape, harassment

Verbal:
threats, insults, name-calling, unjust blaming and accusing, swearing, shouting

Psychological/Emotional:
withholding love, sympathy or understanding, inadequate physical or emotional care, isolation, intimidation, extreme jealousy, destroying property, threatening to commit suicide

Financial:
stealing, withholding money and/or denying access to employment opportunities, preventing access to household financial information

Spiritual:
belittling a person’s spiritual beliefs or preventing them from attending the church, synagogue or temple of their choice

The United Nations (Commission on the Status of Women, 1993) defines violence against women as:
"…any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty whether occurring in public or private life."

One out of every four Canadian women will suffer some type of abuse during her lifetime and every year, one in 10 Canadian women is physically battered by her partner. Domestic violence and abuse occurs in all socio-economic groups and cultural/religious backgrounds and it affects women of all ages.

Domestic assault is a crime.



The Cycle of Abuse

Domestic violence (also called wife abuse, family violence and partner assault) is rarely a one-time occurrence. It usually takes place as part of a cycle that includes the following phases…

Tension-building stage:
Insults and other verbal attacks; minor abusive situations; victim tries to be compliant, "walks on eggshells," and feels helpless; atmosphere becomes increasingly more oppressive.

Violent episode:
Built-up tensions erupt into incidents ranging from severe verbal/emotional abuse to physical/sexual assault and can last from a few minutes to a few days, depending on the relationship. It is during this time that a woman is most likely to be seriously injured or killed by her partner.

Honeymoon stage:
Following a violent episode the abuser is usually contrite and attentive; the victim once again recognizes the person she first fell in love with and may be inclined to believe his promises to change.

Unless there is some form of intervention, the cycle usually repeats itself with the violent episodes escalating in frequency and intensity.



Are You – or is Someone you Know – a Victim of Abuse?

• In your relationship, have you ever experienced verbal abuse, including put-downs or threats?
Yes No

• Have you suffered physical violence such as hitting, pushing, pulling hair, forced sexual contact?
Yes No

• Has your partner threatened to leave if you don’t do as he asks?
Yes No

• Does your partner try to isolate you from family and friends?
Yes No

• Is your partner bossy; does he try to control who you see and what you do?
Yes No

• Does your partner use guilt trips to get his own way?
Yes No

• Do you have to explain your whereabouts?
Yes No

• Does your partner have a bad temper and a history of violence? Does he brag about mistreating others?
Yes No

• Does your partner blame you when he treats you bad?
Yes No

• Does your partner have a history of bad relationships?
Yes No

• Does he believe that men should be in control of his partner and family?
Yes No

• Does your partner treat you "like dirt" or humiliate you in front of friends and family?
Yes No

• Are you afraid of your partner? Do you worry about how he will react to what you say or do?
Yes No

• Does he abuse alcohol or drugs?
Yes No

• Have your friends or family warned you about him or told you they were worried about your safety?
Yes No


If you answered "Yes" to any of the above questions, your relationship may be abusive. Don’t ignore or minimize these warning signs. Get help. You can call Nova Vita’s 24-hour Crisis Line at (519) 752-HELP.



Domestic Violence – Myths and Reality

Myth:
Wife assault doesn’t happen that frequently and in most cases, the incidents are blown out of proportion.

Reality:
In a study conducted by the Ministry of the Solicitor General, one in five Canadian men living with a woman admitted to using violence against her. Accurate statistics are difficult to attain since domestic abuse remains a largely under-reported crime – the police are called in just 25 percent of incidents.

Myth:
Domestic abuse mainly affects the young and poor.

Reality:
Abuse is a widespread problem and occurs in all racial, ethnic, social, economic and age groups.

Myth:
Women often do things to provoke their partners.

Reality:
Domestic violence is rooted in the perpetrator’s desire for power and control. Victims report a wide range of "reasons" for the outbursts, many as minor as "buttering the toast the wrong way." Abusive partners may avoid taking responsibility for their actions by blaming the victim: "She made me do it."

Myth:
Alcohol and drugs are leading causes of domestic assault.

Reality:
Alcohol or illegal drugs are often factors in domestic violence incidents and their use can make it easier for a person to be abusive. Perpetrators may blame their violent behaviour on alcohol, thus avoiding responsibility for their actions. The true cause of domestic assault, however, is the desire to have control over another person.

Myth:
Perpetrators of domestic assault are mentally ill.

Reality:
Batterers are generally not violent outside the home or with other people they interact with – such as their friends, colleagues and bosses. Mentally ill people would not be able to practice such selective violence.

Myth:
Men are just as likely to be the victims of domestic assault as women.

Reality:
More than 92 percent of charges involving domestic assault in Ontario are laid against men. In the majority of cases involving women as perpetrators, charges are due to acts of self defense or are counter-charges laid by abusive partners. Women suffer more frequent and extreme incidents of violence than men and are more likely to sustain serious or life-threatening injuries.


Nova Vita Women’s Services does not condone violence and abuse by or against men or women. By providing services to men, women and children, we seek to promote respectful, healthy relationships among all members of the family.



The Safety Plan

Women who are at risk of violence by their partners are strongly advised to develop a personalized safety plan as a first step in protecting themselves and their children. The following will help you create your plan – if you need more help, call Nova Vita Women’s Services at (519) 752-HELP.

• Know the quickest route out of your home. Practice escaping that way.

• Know the quickest route out of your workplace. Practice escaping that way.

• Know the route to shelters, police stations, hospitals, fire stations and public places/stores opened 24 hours a day

• Pack a bag and have it ready. Keep it somewhere where it is hidden but easy to grab.

• Tell your neighbours about the abuse and ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance.

• Have a code word to use with your children, family and friends. They will know to call the police and get you help.

•Teach your children how to reach help (e.g dialing 911, going to a neighbour) in an emergency situation.

• Use your instincts.

• Plan in advance where you would go in an emergency and how to get there. Take the following with you: identification, health records, money, bank/credit cards, keys, medication, legal papers, important phone numbers, jewelry/photos/sentimental items, a few items of clothing and favourite toys/blankets.


You have the right to protect yourself and your children.